This past week I heard from one person (Person “A”) that another person I know (Person “B”) had done something bad. Like really bad.
Person “A” isn’t someone that I know that well…really not at all, except that we both know Person “B”… and the allegations against Person “B” were pretty harsh.
I found myself in a difficult situation. If Person “A” was telling the truth, then my heart was breaking for Person “A” and the other people impacted by Person “B’s” behavior and my heart was breaking for the major misstep Person B had taken in his life.
I was stuck in the middle of two people’s pain, and could feel it pressing in on me. I wanted to help, but I also knew that the situation could become a “he said/she said” kind of situation, which wasn’t going to help anyone and probably would just make things worse. Both people needed to be heard.
What I realized was that I needed to extend non-judgmental, non-confrontational love to each. I could love each without condoning the actions.
I reached out to Person “B” and shared what I had heard. I told him that I had no way of knowing what the truth was, but that if what Person “A” was saying was true, that I hoped he could connect with his heart, seek forgiveness, make whatever life changes he needed to and approach the situation with love for everyone. If it wasn’t true, then it wasn’t true.
I then did a shamanic session to send love and healing energy to everyone involved before reaching out to Person “A.” I expressed my sorrow about hearing what had transpired and hoped those involved could heal. I shared that I had done a session and was sending love.
And then I released it.
Each one of us has experiences that help us grow and evolve. Often those experiences are unpleasant or downright horrible. Sometimes we make a bad decision that sends us down the “dark side” from which we may or may not return. Sometimes we are victim to someone else’s actions that cause us hurt and may prevent us from ever moving forward again in our lives because we cannot let go of the hurt. True love is non-judgmental and comes with no conditions…and is able to love others even when they make bad choices or are hurt.
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3 Comments
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I’m sure you had reasons for talking to the person “b” who supposedly did something, but in my own life I’m more and more of the belief the
less I talk to people about their behaviour, adopt a wait and see attitude, the smoother life goes. Am I trading a vital part of human communication
for ease? Just wondering what your thoughts are.-
Author
For me, it depends on the situation. If someone’s behavior impacts me directly – say, for example, someone says something hurtful or a team member’s work is sub-par – I will lovingly, honestly and firmly address it. I think it is far better for the relationship to bring up these things as they happen. If someone’s behavior doesn’t impact me directly, I typically only say something if I am asked for my opinion or advice. In this case, the communication from person “a” both asked for a response and touched a wound within me. I realized (after a lot of thought) that I could only respond to person “a” if I talked to person “b.” But – to your point – I did not want to get caught in the middle. So I approached both conversations with love, openness and an objective to just listen and acknowledge what each said, and I hope that by doing so I could help facilitate healing on both sides as well as for myself.
Are you trading a vital part of human communication for ease? Maybe. I don’t think it is our role in life to point out other people’s behavior “problems” unless we are impacted by them. But, if the door is open for an open dialogue, then having that communication is one way to help each of us grow and evolve.
Thoughts?
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Of course, I’m talking about every day interactions. If I were in a situation where I saw someone endangering another person’s life, for example, I would take action.
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